Did you know today’s National Hangover Awareness Day? I did as of 90 seconds ago! Which is when I saw a tweet about the more-a-promotional-stunt-than-actual-commemorative-day Day. Although it makes sense, when you read the press release think about it: The Monday after the Super Bowl, in fact, clocks more calls in sick to work than any other day of the year.

If there were an official Five O’Clock Press Release in response to the NHAD press release, nobody would read it it would read:

“We here at the blog appreciate that easing up on the gas can be a wise move for some, fo’ sho’. We also encourage imbibers to experience many different kinds of alcoholic highs; all the better to one day happen upon the hangover that works best for you! So┬ádon’t kill the headlights and put it in neutral, bros! Instead, try downshifting just a gear or two and spending your post-Bowl happy hour with an enjoyable, easygoing, 100% vino-derived cocktail, comprised entirely of lovely aperitifs and fortified wines. No harsh liquors or swilly beers that’ll stick in your craw come morning! We like to think of it as the Remix to Ignition*: A newly jiggered kind of cocktail with a pleasant, rounded buzz, definitely not a buzzkill!”

*No lawsuitable copyright infringiness intended towards His Eminence R. Kelly, composer of said musical masterpiece in question, “Ignition (Remix).” That’s actually one of my all-time favorite songs. It reminds me of my old friend Mike, whose levels of inebriation could be calibrated thusly: Level I – fake British accent. Level II – Choosing this song at karaoke. Level III – Roaring like a lion. Level IV – Destroying other people’s mailboxes. Level V – Throwing own TV off balcony. If only he’d drank a Remix to Ignition before singing the remix to Ignition… think of all the poor mailboxes that would’ve been saved.

The Remix to Ignition

3 ounces Lillet

1/2 ounce dry vermouth

1/2 ounce port

1/2 ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice

2 dashes Peychaud’s Bitters

Combine all ingredients in an ice-filled cocktail shaker. Shake (no need for over-vigorousness), strain into stemless wine glass that’s got a few handsome ice cubes a-waiting in it.

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